Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My Needles are my Therapists

I am not good at admitting my mistakes. Ok, I said it.

There have been lots of them: job-related, life-related, we all have them. All those cringe-worthy dumb things I've done, times when I've churned out bad quality work in times of desperation, exhaustion, or ignorance. Ugh. I hate 'em.

Exhibit A: My past career as a school teacher. I loved the kids. I loved being with them, talking with them, laughing with them. I was just not organized enough to be a good teacher. I'm just not that person who can create the school environment required for school-based learning. I know I never will be. However, when I think of the stupid things I created, or times when I just did things WRONG... well, I blush, get goosebumps, and banish the memory from my head.

It would be nice to just be able to laugh at myself more.

I was thinking about this last night as I ripped out the bottom section of my Featherweight Cardigan for the second time. Sigh.

The first attempt was to add 3 inches of fagot lace around the edge. I'd seen a project on Ravelry that used it, I thought it was really nice. Problem? They used a heavier yarn, and my laceweight just was too much like a fishnet. I could just see it snagging on absolutely everything. I sighed, then I went and did the only logical thing: I ate dinner.

After ripping all of those stitches out and painstakingly putting them back on the needles, I decided I'd do a moss stitch. Row 1: K2, p2 to end. Row 2: Knit the knits, purl the purls. Row 3: Knit the purls, purl the knits. Row 4: Get a coffee and contemplate what this all looks like.

Sigh again.

I do NOT want to give up, because if I put this down, it will become something that I avoid, and eventually shudder at the thought of finishing. I don't want it to become another mistake I can't admit to. I'm just losing momentum... fast.

It probably doesn't help that I've got a bunch of new yarn waiting for me to play with it. But I have to face the ugly truth: Taking short cuts and rushing through it will only make me wince and shudder at the memory of this project. It's a life lesson. I gotta do it.

My needles are my therapists. Good thing they don't charge by the hour.


YarnKettle said...

Frustration is a hard thing to overcome. I see how you don't want to quit but sometimes our brains need a reboot. You know clean out the old image that was not working and allow the new image to settle in. Sometimes we can not see the good in what is before us, we only see what has not worked. Hope it straightens out.

AdrieneJ said...

Thanks - I'm thinking that with a fresh mind this weekend, I should get the bottom part finished. I spent time with a crochet hook fixing a few things last night. I'm feeling a bit better about it now.