So, I watched this movie last night with some friends. It wasn't a movie I thought I'd be thinking about the next day: The Big Year, with Steve Martin, Jack Black and Owen Wilson. The premise? It's about the competition between birders (bird watchers) to see as many different types of birds as possible in one year, A Big Year. One is the champion, another is a successful businessman who is also a long-time birder, and another is a bird-lover who is scraping together his funding and who is living with disappointed dad, and all want to be the champ. They travel all around the world, ride on dodgy planes, bike through the Alaskan wilds, tramp through deep snow, all to see birds. And in the end, some people find love and improve their lives, and others don't. La de da, and the good guys win.
Awwww. We smiled, we groaned, then we all went to bed and slept well because the good guys won.
This morning, I woke up and hubby and I went out for a day out, and as we drove along, I was thinking about that movie. One of the lines was, "Why don't you want people to know you're doing a big year?" And the answer was, "Because it might make the others try harder to beat me."
And I thought about how I was feeling last week when I was fighting through a few days of weariness and near-burnout. I was battling through fear of failure. I was not sleeping well. And well, I think it's because I'm kind of going through a big year myself: reinventing my body, and reinventing my mind. And some people know I'm doing it, but I only talk about it to a small group of trusted people.
And it's because there's two Adrienes inside of me: the one that wants to do better, and the one that wants to beat me. And I don't want the one that wants to beat me to get any more power, because when she's feeling strong, I don't sleep, I can't concentrate, and I get slowly buried by the negativity.
The irrational part of me feels that, if I talk about this big year thing to too many people, the Adriene-that-wants-to-beat-me might try harder to win. "If you fail, they'll ALL know," she says. "If you fail, they'll ALL say 'I told you so,'" she says. "And then what a fool you'll be."
But that's not the Adriene that is writing this blogpost.
The truth is that the world really isn't full of a**holes. And the more I talk about this thing I'm doing, the more positive energy I get. And most people really don't want to see others fail. Most people will give you a leg up when you need it.
This is the evolution of me... and it's a long, painful process. But the thing about evolution is that it doesn't happen with one individual. It happens over generations of individuals. And the more individuals involved, the better it works.
Heh, who knew a movie with Jack Black in it would trigger so much depth of thought.
Oh, and here's a picture of a bird I took a couple of years ago. You know, just to tie this whole thing together.