But I'm grateful.
I'm grateful that dkzack came into the office today and handed me a skein of merino/cashmere sock yarn as a gift. "I knew you'd need something soft and comforting today," she said. And she was right. I draped it around my neck during the drive, and the warm softness kept my tears in check for most of the journey.
I'm grateful for my ever-steady husband, who I know will have dinner ready and many hugs for me when I get home.
I'm grateful for my friend, Dawg, who has come to my rescue more than once with the right words and many virtual hugs since I got the news about my friend's passing.
I'm grateful for the kindness of friends that I hadn't seen in over ten years who let me into their home when my original accommodation plans fell through. I felt sheepish asking, especially when it had been so long, but they welcomed me with hugs as soon as I stepped through their door. They went out tonight, but left me with instructions to take full advantage of their kitchen, including the wine cupboard. That, in and of itself, made my day.
So, I'm sitting here, knitting on my Haruni stole, thinking, thinking, thinking...
The word Haruni refers to the time of year when people go around to look at the cherry blossoms in the spring. That time seems so far away right now, given my mood and the fact it's the last day of summer.
But I know I'll finish it, sometime. And I know I won't always feel so sad. And, I also know that there are people around me who will hold me up when I need them, either with kind words, a hug, or a little tactile comfort from the yarny stuff I love. And that I am so lucky to have the sorts of relationships that make those actions so natural. And even though my heart is trembling right now, there is the promise of spring in my hands, and the knowledge that I will never forget the wonderful friendship I had.