To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are two very strong opposing forces in my life: my sense of self and my sense of duty. I am very, very strongly influenced by what I feel I ought to be doing, which means I am reliable, but not always happy. My job search right now is very strongly reminding me that, if something doesn't energize me, if it pulls me down and makes me tired just thinking of it, then it's something I probably shouldn't be doing. This is not to say that I am turning up my noise to every small and menial opportunity. Quite the contrary: it is the things I've always wanted to try that others have traditionally deemed as "below me" that I am attracted to.
I want to use my communication skills.
I want to be around creative, innovative people.
I like to pick away at problems.
I like to use my hands.
I like to use my brain.
But I don't want to be pushed into a mold. Not again.
It's like when you put on an ill-fitting shoe: you get blisters. They pop, maybe peel, maybe turn into calluses, and then put pressure on the soft parts of your foot for a long time, until you can't feel anything.
I don't know where exactly I'm going, but I know where I'm not going. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to do the things that make me... well, ME.
Off to knit.