I have a friend who tells me on a regular basis that I am "demanding." I maintain that I am not demanding, I just have a habit of making sure that I use whatever resources I can to get things done. And I don't like to rely on people, although that's probably not what my friend would say (he's been on the receiving end of my "demands" more than once). I usually see what I want, and then I move heaven and Earth to get it. Maybe this is because I have problems with trusting that other people will see things my way and that they won't come through for me. This means that I have trouble accepting gifts: I much prefer to choose my possessions for myself.
This also means that I'm a tough person to get for Secret Santa. Just leave me outta that, for everyone's sake.
But... I was surprised this Christmas.
We flew home to my family this year for the holidays, and since we were flying, I did not have the luxury of filling up a whole vehicle with all the shopping I usually do when I'm home. And, in an effort not to splurge on unnecessary purchases, I deliberately packed a smaller suitcase than I normally would have. There's nothing like the thought of having to physically carry the result of budget infidelity to curb your spending. I also didn't bring that many clothes with me, since I knew I'd be able to wash my clothes at my parents house. Small case, but still lots of space, and an explicit self-made rule not to shop.
The evening we arrived, my mom handed me a small bag of clothes, gifts from her and from my aunt in the Philippines. New clothes for the girl with the new body. And, to my surprise, I tried them on, and I liked them. Huh. How about that.
And on Christmas Day, I got gifts of more clothes that I normally would quietly pack away and never use them again, but again, I liked them. Every single one. And my mom gave me a handbag, one I would have never chosen (I'm super fussy about my handbags), but again, it's perfect. It is big enough to carry my knitting AND a magazine, yet slim and elegant. Huh. How about that.
Maybe my attitude changed, or maybe I was paying better attention.
Or maybe, I'm just more grateful. And maybe I'm learning to trust that people do get me, and that they really do know me better than I think.
Today, I am inspired by those people who already know how to trust others, and who probably have been able to enjoy the well-meaning intentions of others better than I have been able to in the past. Perhaps that is my resolution for the new year: to trust, and to reap the rewards of that trust.
Did I mention it carries magazines? AND knitting?