Saturday, May 30, 2015

Black and White Keys

Life is like a piano; the white keys represent happiness and the black show sadness. But as you go through life's journey, remember that the black keys also create music. -- Ehssan
All of a sudden, I'm on the other side of the world. Life is interesting, if sometimes uncomfortable... and sometimes undesirable. It's true what they say: Anything is possible.

We're in Belfast right now. We arrived on Wednesday afternoon, local time. We didn't plan to be here, but ironically, the decision to be here came on the day we were planning to visit. In short: the hubby's father passed on last Friday. We got the news literally hours after we had booked our tickets for a visit this September. The next morning, we booked another set.

And here we are.

When your family is far away, you always have a stash of money for exactly this reason. I've had a stash ever since I first left Canada to live in the United Kingdom after I graduated from university. I still have it now that I'm back in Canada. There will never be any question as to whether or not we will come home, where that is.

We've been tidying, planning, visiting, making phone calls, and doing chores. And we've been resting whenever we can. We've had some help with the resting part... or at least, someone is good at showing us how to do that:

When I was looking at the forecast to decide what to pack, I decided to bring these socks along, both for warmth against the late spring showers, and for the lovely comfort of hand knit socks. No, I did not knit them: they're the ones my friend Linette made for me as a gift when she came for her visit a few weeks ago (Was it only a few weeks ago? It seems like a lifetime!). They've been perfect comfort socks, and they've already been washed a dried a couple of times. Superwash wool for socks is a lovely thing:

And, of course, I brought a project to keep my hands busy. I pulled out two more balls of mercerized cotton, another colourway of the same yarn I used to make my Artful Infinity Cowl. I packed the same crochet hook, but had no real plans for what I was going to make. After a sleepless flight, two days of jet lag, and a lot of ripping out and starting over, I think I've got something on the go now. I'm liking it so far:

The last few months have really forced me to face one of the things I fear the most: The loss of someone close to you. And you know, there is no getting used to it - no way, no how, at least, not for me. But it would be very, very easy to slip into that "one thing after another" pattern of thought. Can't I just have a break? Why can't life just be easy for a change?

But I don't think that's a road I want to go down. I'm choosing to sit here in life... to face it in stillness and contemplation and curiosity, rather than to drown it out with distractions or food or commiserating. I don't think I would have chosen that a couple of years ago. I don't know what's changed. Perhaps it's the realization of the inevitable... and the choice to value each moment while I can.

I'm still training for my half marathon while I'm out here. I've been fitting it in when I get a few hours to myself. And each time I hit the wall and each step starts to get more difficult than the one before, this thought comes to me:
The time will pass, no matter what. It's what happens during that time that matters. And why not choose to do this as the time passes? I could be doing worse.
I'm glad you chose to come here and read these words as well. Thanks for using your time for this. It means a great deal to me.

1 comment:

YarnKettle said...

I am sorry for your loss.
Looks like you have some good comfort things to help you through. Linette did a great job on those socks.
Good job on keeping up the training, I think it really helps to manage stress too.