Inspiration and wretchedness are inseparable... With only inspiration, we become arrogant. With only wretchedness, we lose our vision. Feeling inspired cheers us up, makes us realize how vast and wonderful our world is. Feeling wretched humbles us. The gloriousness of our inspiration connects us with the sacredness of the world. But when the tables are turned and we feel wretched, that softens us up. It ripens our hearts. It becomes the ground for understanding others. --Pema ChodronI'm conscious of how much of a drag I've been recently on this blog. I look back at posts over the last few months, and it all seems to say the same thing: struggling through weariness and looking for reminders to slow down, looking for things to lift me up, to keep me going. As tiresome as it is for me, I'm sure it's tiring for people to read about. It's not what I want at all for this blog.
I decided I'd really spend time today thinking about something to write for an Inspiration Mondays post. I've been dodging them for weeks, feeling pretty sure I had nothing to be inspired by. I was sure I'd skip it again today until I read that quote this morning.
I went to a yoga retreat a few months ago in the autumn, and the teacher said something like, "We can be in different seasons inside of us, even if they don't match the seasons outside. It might be bright and spring-like outside, but inside, you could be in autumn... in a time of hunkering down and bracing yourself." And that's how I feel right now: feeling the need to wrap up and stay cocooned. And for some weeks now, I've felt bad about it, but I think I'm ok with it now.
Most of the time, I want to be fresh and vigorous and bright... like a nice, tasty salad. Other times, I just want to be warm and comforted... onion rings instead of roasted vegetables.
Today for lunch, I had a salad and an order of onion rings. I got that idea from someone else (thanks, D). It was exactly what I needed.
As much as I'd like to feel inspired and cheered up today, I am content enough to sit in my "wretchedness" of being injured and grounded... and to let it soften me... and mold me into another version of myself. I am curious about what may come of it... and I'm trying to be brave about it. Perhaps this is why I am so attracted to making things with my hands: it is a message to myself to let myself be molded by whatever comes.
I kinda hope I get to be onion rings soon... but I'm open to anything, really.
Image from Wikimedia Commons