Hardly Moving

Today

Today I’m flying low and I’m not saying a word. I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep. 

The world goes on as it must, the bees in the garden rumbling a little, the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten. And so forth.

But I’m taking the day off. Quiet as a feather. I hardly move though really I’m traveling a terrific distance. 

Stillness. One of the doors into the temple.
-- Mary Oliver

And just like that, it's summer... and it's hot out there. I was quite enjoying our tepid weather: cool nights, pleasantly warm days, not too sweaty, cool enough to knock out a batch of cookies if I wished. All quite civilized, yes.

And now, I have put away all my trousers and will remain in shorts until October.

I'm tired this weekend. I haven't felt this tired since I had a kidney removed from my body... and I really am not exaggerating. I keep thinking, "Next week, I'll be back to normal," but week after week has passed, and this "normal" we speak of has not appeared. The weekend arrived, and I was so tired that I couldn't sleep, which is totally ridiculous. My body kept twitching and itching, tossing and turning until I finally found myself asleep.

I awoke on Saturday having slept through the whole night, but I was still tired. I skipped my Saturday morning swim for a post-breakfast nap. The hubby came back after his swim, and enticed me with a lunch out at a local winery, which I've been wanting to do for a while now:

The trouble was: it was so hot and I was still so tired that it was a disappointing experience. We were sat on the veranda on the side of the building where there was no breeze, and I was far too grumpy to be ok with it. In the end, I asked a bewildered waitress if we could move inside, where it was at least darker and cooler, and she carefully picked up our wine glasses and led us in, looking back at me like I'd told her that I wanted to dine with my pet dragon.

I am not good company when I am tired.

I had another nap when I got home, then went to bed early and slept through the night again. I awoke this morning feeling almost normal. I turned to the hubby and announced my intention to go out for breakfast, which I almost never do. I think he was glad enough not to have his head bitten off first thing that he quickly agreed. We sat outside on their alley patio, and I looked up and admired the bright, blue sky:

When we got home, I noticed that the poppy plant I had bought for myself a few weeks ago was blooming. These poppies seem to bloom in short, energetic spurts: they flame into life for a day, and then the next thing you now, they wilt away:

Right about now, I can relate:

In the meantime, I've been slowly working away on my current knitting project. So far, I'm loving the way it is turning out, even though I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I keep thinking that I have a clear vision of how I want this thing to look in the end, but each time I work on it, that vision keeps changing. It keeps eluding me, transforming in my brain every few days: first, it was going to be a boat neck tee, then it was going to have three-quarter length sleeves, then it was going to have set-in sleeves... At the moment, I'm pretty sure it's going to have a v-neck and some cap sleeves, but I have a feeling that the yardage will dictate what it's going to look like at the end. The yarn always has the final say:

Anyway, I'm steeling myself for another week.  I know I sound an awful lot like I am being over-dramatic and self-pitying, but you now, right now I actually don't care what anyone thinks. I do know that we have some new leadership at work, and changes are ahead, and I do have faith that the changes will be good. Honestly though: I am not so sure I can handle the earth shifting beneath my feet again. We shall see.

Have a great week.