The Gratitude Alphabet

Ellipsism (n.): A sadness that you'll never be able to know how history will turn out.

I'm finding it surreal to be sitting here in my living room writing a blog post to put out on the internet to a world that doesn't seem to know where to look or what to feel. I suppose there's nothing for that except to keep typing and to keep my voice present and available for whoever needs to hear it. So here goes.

This time last week, I did not expect to be so worried about an illness that seemed so far away, so irrelevant to my day to day life. Today, I can't really sense into that blissfully ignorant time. I do not wish to get into a discussion about the seriousness (or not serious, depending on where you stand) of the situation. I just share that I am worried. I am also painfully aware that I keep looking around for someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok, but the crappy thing about being an adult is that you have to find that kind of peace in yourself. That usually means finding grace in whatever you can find.

Someone gave me a wonderful tool this week to help me through anxious nights: The Gratitude Alphabet. She told me that, when I find myself awake in the middle of the night and my brain begins its relentless push to try to solve the world's problems as I lie there in the dark, I could use this to help to ground myself and find some peace. First, you think of all the things that start with the letter A that you are grateful for. When you can't think of anything else, you go on to the next letter, and the next, and the next. It switches on the bit of your brain that releases serotonin and to calm the bit of your brain that is on alert for danger. I have yet to make it past the letter L before I drop off. I wonder if I'll ever make it to the letter Y... would sure be nice to think of some yarn for a while.

Since I've been doing this, I've been using it throughout the day to keep me present. V is for the beautiful colours in the veggies I chopped up for tonight's stir fry:

T is for the stand of trees we walked past on our walk this morning:

D is for the daffodils that are starting to bloom here:

R is for the glimpse of the river on our afternoon walk. And D is for the doggie watching me as I took a photo of him:

Meanwhile, in my restless moments, I knit. And as I mentioned in my post last week, I am now officially out of yarn for this project, which means I have to find something else to do until my online order arrives with the skein that I need to finish it. I guess Y is for the game of Yarn Chicken, which I continue to enjoy playing, even when I mostly lose:

And, speaking of chickens, Mr. Seymour appears to be grateful for his new chicken which his mommy bought him the other night. He was so happy that he carried it all by himself down the street after I bought it. There is joy in the world, after all:

I'm gonna go eat some dinner. Stay safe. I'm grateful for you and the time you take to read my words. I hope they brought you some peace today.